Mentors are easier to access than you think.

The fastest way to grow as a leader is to learn to find and work with mentors.

I’ve been blessed to have many mentors in my life. I can easily say I wouldn’t be who or where I am without them. People who saw something in me, offered their time and wisdom, and helped me move forward.

But for years, it was mostly passive on my part. I waited until someone noticed me and offered help. I didn’t know I could get a mentor. And I had no idea how to make the most of those relationships.

That changed in my late 30s. I learned I could and should be specific and intentional about what I needed to learn and who I wanted to learn from. I started seeking those people out. And I began to surround myself with mentors who accelerated my growth.

It changed my life.

Mentors change your pace.

Here’s what I discovered:

• I could get input from almost anyone I asked—if my question was clear.
• I didn’t need to figure everything out alone.
• I could ask, apply, and move faster.

What surprised me was how easy it was.

Within a year of applying what I’ll share below, I was being mentored by some of the most prominent leaders in my region. A few years later, by some of the most prominent leaders in my profession, globally.

What Mentoring Really Is

The word “mentoring” gets misunderstood. I like Walt Wright’s definition best: Mentoring is an intentional relationship for the purpose of growth.

That’s a big umbrella. Many kinds of relationships fit under it but they’re all intentional.

Mentoring is different from coaching. It’s often informal and organic. It rarely looks like a “program.” It’s about lived experience, not just skills or knowledge.

Coaching tends to be structured, with goals and accountability. Counseling helps with healing or resolving the past. Management sets standards and ensures consistency.

Mentoring can show up inside any of those roles. But at its core, it’s simply a relationship built to produce growth.

The Mentoring Constellation: No One Can Be Everything

Early on, I unconsciously believed I needed to find the one perfect mentor who could see all, know all, and guide all.

If someone had asked, I would’ve denied that. But that’s what I was looking for.

Paul Stanley introduced me to the idea of a mentor constellation: Upward mentors (those ahead of me), peer mentors (those alongside me), and downward mentors (those coming up behind me). I needed all three: people I learn from, people I learn with, and people I help grow.

What freed me was realizing no one can be everything. And they don’t need to be. Someone can mentor you powerfully in one area and have nothing to say in another. That’s fine.

That realization opened everything. Suddenly, mentors were everywhere.

Why Mentoring Works—and Why Leaders Avoid It

Mentoring sped up my growth because it offered three things:

• Knowledge—especially things I didn’t know I didn’t know
• Discernment—how to sift signal from noise and know what not to do
• Validation—to stop second-guessing and get moving

So why don’t more leaders pursue mentoring? For most, it comes down to fear, pride, or not knowing how.

Many leaders think, “I should already know this.” No one else expects them to know everything. But they believe they will lose the respect of others if people discover they don’t know something.

Others are too proud. Their identity depends on being the smartest person in the room. The idea of learning from someone else feels like a threat.

Others feel like it is too vulnerable to ask. To admit a gap.

And many just don’t know what to do next. So they stall out.

The Mindset Shift That Opened the Door

The shift came when I stopped waiting for a “guru from the mountain” to notice me and offer wisdom. I realized: no one is responsible for my growth but me.

That meant I needed to stop trying to figure everything out on my own. Instead, I got clear on what I needed to learn. I shaped specific questions. And I started asking them, over and over, until I got answers I could use.

Once I had input, I acted on it. Then I did one thing most people forget: I went back and told them what happened.

That single loop: ask, apply, report back – did two things:

• It deepened relationships with mentors I respected.
• It made me someone they wanted to mentor.

The 4-Step Mentoring Cycle

This simple cycle is what changed everything:

1. Clarify your question. What do you need to learn right now?
2. Ask someone who can answer it. Keep it focused. Just ask.
3. Use what they suggest. Don’t wait. Apply it now.
4. Let them know the result. Report back. That’s what builds the relationship.

Listen to Yourself First

Before pursuing mentoring, slow down and ask:

• What do I most need to learn right now?
• Why does that matter to me?
• Am I truly seeking knowledge, or validation, or discernment?

There’s no wrong answer. The goal is clarity. That way, you’ll know whom to approach, what to ask, and how to recognize a good answer.

How to Listen as a Mentee

Mentors won’t always know what you need. That’s your job.

You own the learning. Ask. Listen. Reflect. Try.

Practice paraphrasing their input. Try it in a real scenario. Ask a follow-up.

As kids, we had parents, teachers, and coaches guiding the process. As adults, it’s on us. We define the questions. We find the mentors. We determine how long the relationship lasts.

Most of my clients eventually hear one of my favorite questions: “What’s your question?” People often tell long stories with all the background, but don’t ask anything. That puts the burden on the mentor to guess.

Guessing works sometimes. Clarity works every time.

Mentors love clear questions.

Building the Relationship

Finding a mentor is easier than people think.

Often it’s as simple as: “Can I buy you lunch? I’d love to ask your opinion on X.”

If you don’t know the person, give a quick reason why you reached out: “I saw your article in ABC Magazine and had a question about something you said.”

Almost no one says no.

If the conversation goes well, and you’d like to continue, say: “I really enjoyed this. I learned X. I’m going to try Y. Would you mind if I followed up again later with another question?”

Then actually do Y and let them know what happened.

That makes you interesting. Smart people want to invest in people who do something with their input.

And they’ll almost always say yes again.

Practical Tips

• Don’t ask, “Will you be my mentor?” That spooks people.
• Don’t ask for a commitment. “Can we meet weekly for a year?” That creates pressure.
• Be specific about what you want to learn.
• Report back, briefly, on your progress. Mentors notice follow-through.
• Let the relationship grow naturally.
• If it’s helpful, ask again.

Start with asking for insight, not commitment. If there’s value, both of you will want to continue.

Where do you want to grow?

What’s the cost of staying stuck another year?

Take good care,

Christian