Have you ever gone to the doctor and gotten a wrong diagnosis? Or have you ever had the experience where all the doctor did was acknowledge and treat the symptoms without ever looking at the cause?

This happens far more commonly than patients would hope for. It’s more common than most doctors are willing to admit.

In the case of a misdiagnosis, the advice or prescription may not only be ineffective but according to studies, it results in death or permanent disability up to 28% of the time.

Understanding what the problem actually is, is what matters.

I’ve worked with hundreds of leaders who were struggling with conflict in their workplace. In nearly every situation, they misdiagnosed the problem. As a result, their attempts to resolve or cope with the problem were only leading to more problems.

However, once the diagnosis was corrected, the solution was often quickly found.

Fun Houses with Unfunny Mirrors

Have you ever been to a fair or carnival and gone through a fun house? The mirrors are bent and warped. They distort the images that we see.

Make no mistake. We are looking at a real image. It’s not a fake image. But it also isn’t an accurate reflection of reality.

Conflict is a highly subjective experience for most people. Subject to interpretation. In nearly all cases, there is a lack of shared information, facts, and understanding.

In conflict, where there is nearly always a famine of facts, people tend to rely on guesswork to understand a conflict. These guesses are often backed by strong emotion. Accordingly, accuracy is often overestimated.

We believe in the image that we’ve constructed. Or the one that others have told us about. But we don’t verify if that image actually reflects reality.

In fact, we often become so emotionally invested in the idea of the warped image being true – we feel like it is a compromise to consider any other option.

If you don’t believe this is true of you – perhaps you’ll at least acknowledge that you’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of experience:  A scenario where your side of the story wasn’t trusted or even allowed to be told prior to a judgment being cast.

It’s difficult. It might be painful. It might be infuriating. It always tends to create more problems.

Mistaking Symptoms for Causes

What is the most common diagnosis that leaders make about conflict?

It turns out it is the simplest – blaming: “It’s his fault” or “It’s her attitude” or “that team/department/skill set are all that way.”

In nearly all cases the initial diagnosis is A) Personal and B) Someone else is primarily at fault.

However, reality, whatever is happening at a personal level, is usually only symptomatic of something else.

Yes, there are jerks in the workplace. There are people who are overly-sensitive, rude, inconsiderate, late, unreliable and so on.

But this is rarely the core of a workplace conflict. To get to the core or the cause, we need to do a better diagnostic.

Here is a tool that I think you’ll find helpful.

Using the Four Opportunities Lens to Diagnose Conflict

Conflict helps reveal opportunities for growth. Although conflict is unpleasant it creates the conditions where deep growth is possible. I’ve often written about this in the past. Check out the link if you’d like to read more.

In short, workplace conflicts are primarily driven by something going on in one or more of the following: My personal health and maturity (or that of others,) relationships, organizational systems and organizational culture.

Below is a tool you can use to help get a better idea of what might be behind a conflict that you are facing.

To use this tool, think of one specific conflict and situation. Think of the specific people that are involved and what has happened. Then go through the lists below and check off anything that seems true in your situation.

If the conflict isn’t one that you are personally involved in, you can still use this for the person that you are coaching through the conflict.

Conflict Diagnostic Tool

Personal

In this scenario have I (or the person I am coaching) tended to…

• Avoid it, minimize it or otherwise not address it fully?
• Accuse, attack, overpower or otherwise not listen to or engage others?
• Jump to conclusions before (or without) objectively gathering the facts?
• Confront others without clearly knowing what I wanted for a resolution?
• Struggle to offer the benefit of the doubt?
• Offer the benefit of the doubt long after it’s clear that accountability is needed?

Relational

• Is the issue only between a few, specific individuals?
• Has it become personalized in any way?
• Have any of the individuals involved communicated that trust has been lost or damaged?
• Have any of the individuals involved communicated that the relationship has been disrespectful?
• Is this a reoccurring problem among the same individuals?

Systemic

In this scenario is there any ambiguity, confusion or inconsistency about:

• Roles or responsibilities (for self or others)?
• Expectations and/or performance standards?
• Appropriate policies and/or procedures?
• How is information shared within the organization?
• How decisions are made, or authority is delegated?
• How hiring practices support the values, vision, behavioral standards and goals of the organization?
• How onboarding and training support the values, vision, behavioral standards and goals of the organization?
• How people are advanced, recognized or rewarded?

Cultural

• Does this kind of conflict occur elsewhere in the organization?
• Does this kind of conflict tend to re-occur?
• Have factions or “sides” developed?
• Are there tendencies (especially among leadership) to avoid, minimize, explain away conflict or difficult topics?
• Are there tendencies (especially among leadership) to exclude, retaliate, attack, bully or overrule when faced with conflict or difficult topics?
• Is there a reluctance or avoidance to talk openly about issues that really matter?
• Do the leaders and staff trust each other?
• Do the leaders and staff feel respected by each other?

How to Use This Tool:

• Any box that you have checked is an area that could potentially be driving or maintaining the conflict. It’s an area that you may want to look at.
• If you find that there are a significant number of boxes that you’ve checked in a specific category – it is likely that this category needs specific attention for growth.
• A conflict that is chronic and has existed for a long time or involves many people is a sign that the problem is often systemic or cultural at its core. This means the solution primarily takes place at a leadership level – even if the conflict is manifesting at a personal or relational level.
• Personal and Relational challenges may either be the cause or the symptoms of people responding poorly to Systemic or Cultural issues that can be resolved. If you find that you’ve identified areas for improvement in either Personal or Relational and Systemic or Cultural, you’ll often find more sustainable resolution by seeking to improve the systems or culture.

Signs That Conflict Is Healthy

Many people are so accustomed to the conflict being a negative or threatening thing that they struggle to recognize that conflict (or healthy tension) can be an important part of a well – functioning team.

Here are signs that conflict is healthy:

• There is trust.
• There is respect.
• People try to understand where the other person is coming from – or what makes a particular issue or position so important to them.
• Time is taken or even created to talk out difficult issues.
• Real decisions are made, real resolution occurs.
• The focus is on problem-solving not on blaming or fault finding.
• No one tries to control the conversation or shut anyone else down.
• No one tries to avoid the conversation or refuses to participate.

All of the above may occur in the context of a highly emotional and intense conversation. It is important not to equate passion or intensity with negativity.

I’d love to get your feedback on this diagnostic tool! Let me know if it has helped you gain insights into the nature of your conflict.

If you’d like solutions, I’ve written extensively about organizational conflicts. You can find those articles here. Additionally, you can feel free to contact me.

Take good care,

Christian

P.S. New Resource! My new book Conflict & Leadership: How To Harness The Power of Conflict To Build Better Leaders And Thriving Teams is being published by Business Expert Press.

It’ll be available in just a few weeks – March of 2018! It’ll be available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. But I’ll be able to offer my readers a discounted rate.

If you’d like to be added to my list to be notified when the book comes out please just respond to this newsletter or send me a note.

Just type “Add me to your book list!” in the subject line. Please, also your name and contact information.