Ego issues show up first on the mat—and eventually in leadership.

In Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, the toughest battle for many people is with their ego. This is possibly even more true for practitioners who are naturally stronger, faster, or more aggressive.

Those traits allow people with less skill to appear more effective because they can:

• Power out of bad positions instead of learning to avoid them.
• Muscle their way into a good position instead of learning to use leverage and momentum.

This slows their progress. At a certain point, those with less ego learn the skills to counter strength, speed, and aggression even if they’re smaller and weaker. (Ask me how I know.)

Skilled practitioners with ego issues limit their own growth. More importantly, they limit others’ growth. It’s hard to learn from them—and it isn’t fun to train with them. They like being seen as the best, so they never learn to train others—or worse, they intentionally refuse to. They don’t like it when someone ‘outsmarts’ them in a fight and may seek (often painful) revenge.

Gratefully, the gym I train at actively discourages this. But these people are still out there.

This dynamic shows up in leaders, too.

Ego issues can make a capable leader feel constantly under-served by their team.

• Do you often feel like your team is slowing you down, that they don’t “get it,” or that they lack the vision to keep up?
• When your team or business is finally humming along and stable, do you feel an itch to shake things up?
• Have you discovered that despite your success, the machine doesn’t operate without you?
• Do you struggle to celebrate others’ success?
• Do you measure success—life, business, etc.—by comparison to others?
• Is it hard to be patient or graceful with someone else’s learning curve?
• Do you rationalize your mistakes as understandable but view the mistakes of others as irrational or inexcusable—even if, privately, you beat yourself up?

If you answered yes to several of these, ego issues may be shaping the way you lead without you noticing.

These can be common tendencies among successful people. Many of history’s most transformative leaders were also people with oversized egos. It’s the engine that drives entrepreneurs to build something from nothing. It enables leaders to make hard decisions and push toward growth.

But there’s a reason ego (or more specifically hubris – an inflated ego) is a recurring theme in Greek myths. It’s what most often brings down the here. Not the antagonist.

And they don’t see it coming.

The Impact of Ego Issues

• It blinds you. Ego distorts how you see yourself, others, and the world around you.
• It weakens you. Ego blocks empathy and emotional intelligence. Relationships are the medium of leadership. The better you are relationally, the easier it is to lead. Ego limits this.
• It weakens others. Leaders with ego issues default to blame. They frame team issues as someone else’s problem. Leaders without ego issues coach and train. They feel a sense of ownership.

Four Practices to Keep Your Ego in Check

These practices are simple ways to keep ego issues from turning into hubris.

1. Practice Gratitude. Regularly express what you’re grateful for. Gratitude challenges an inflated ego because it forces us to acknowledge the good we’ve received that didn’t originate from us.
2. Practice Expressing Appreciation. Where gratitude is about what you’ve received, appreciation is about recognizing something valuable in someone else. Let people know when they do something well. Acknowledge their insight, skill, or judgment—especially when it exceeds your own.
3. Practice Something You’re Bad At. Do something that forces you back into a learner’s stance. It reminds you that others are capable and knowledgeable. It helps you see yourself—and them—more clearly.
4. Look in the Mirror (With Someone Else). Build relationships with people who offer honest, objective, outside input. This is one of the best ways to tame the ego. Honest friends, peers, mentors, and coaches can all help with this. Build a habit of getting their perspective on how you lead and relate.

Work in progress

In BJJ, your ego is a faithful opponent. Ego issues are a faithful opponent in leadership, too. Whether you are brand new or highly skilled, you do better when you recognize that it always wants to grapple.

It’s the same for leaders. Accept that it is there, that it isn’t always easy to recognize, and that you can’t win if it wins first.

Take good care,

Christian