In BJJ, one of my training partners is in Special Operations. When I first started training with him, I just assumed I couldn’t beat him. I saw him as someone with “a very particular set of skills” that I couldn’t hope to overcome. So, I lost to him. Again and again.

Then I let myself challenge that assumption and how I saw myself. He does have “particular skills,” but most of those don’t translate to the mats. He is a hard fighter and will take advantage of any mistake or opening I give him. But he’s not unstoppable, and I have my own skills.

Once I let myself see myself as someone who could beat him, I began to. A few times at first, and then we eventually got to a point where it’s now a toss-up on who will win.

The issue wasn’t skill. It was how I saw myself.

Within my current client base, I’m working with a handful of companies that have tripled their revenue in the last few years. Two have goals to double or triple again. Three should hit $100M within the next 18 months.

I’ve worked with them along that growth journey. And I share it with you because each of the leaders of those companies is going through a similar experience. That is, their identity, their self-image, has to keep upgrading to allow growth to happen.

Leaders don’t usually stall because of the market or their team. They stall because the identity that helped them succeed early on doesn’t match the demands of the “next level.”

If they don’t change how they see themselves, they build their own glass ceiling.

The real ceiling

Growth problems are usually blamed on external factors. I hear this all the time. “It’s the market/politics/the labor pool/etc.”

Meanwhile, another company in the same industry and town is happily growing. The real problem is nearly always the company’s leader(s). And their problem is often rooted in their self-image.

Studies on leader identity development suggest that growth often stalls when a leader’s self-concept no longer matches the demands of the role they are trying to play.

Three stages of growth and identity

Survivors: When leaders start, they are just trying to survive. If they get stuck trying to survive for very long, they’ll build a story explaining why they are always trying to survive. Predictably, that story will include others (however they are defined) being at fault, or not being trustworthy. They see themselves as either a victim or the scrappy underdog, the only one just hanging on or able to hold things together.

At this stage, the issue is control and the fear of losing it.

Before you think I’m being harsh, this was me for many years.

It took me a long time to accept Henry Cloud’s observation that, as leaders, “We have the circumstances that we created or allowed.”

This is where many company leaders are stuck.

Stabilizers: Stabilization occurs when leaders begin to learn how to build teams and systems and to structure their organization effectively. This is where the leader starts working smarter, not harder.

Leaders at this level learn what works, what doesn’t, and build systems and organizational habits to protect the former and prevent the latter. They often build identities around being good managers or administrators. A good CEO. At this stage, the issue is standards, systems, and accountability.

The challenge is that leaders at this stage often grow attached to the predictability and certainty that emerge.

They don’t like their boat being rocked. If they built through the Survival Stage, they don’t want to go back. They tend to be cautious and less persuaded by new ideas or innovation. “If it ain’t broke — don’t fix it” might be a motto.

There are many things right about getting to this stage. But if growth is a desire, then you can’t stay here.

Expanders: Expanders do more than survive. They aren’t afraid of problems because they believe they can solve them, rebuild when necessary, and keep growing. They know how to build systems capable of carrying greater weight and complexity, and they keep expanding and building.

These leaders learn to trust structure, build it to support rather than restrict movement, and lead as architects or conductors. Not hands-on doers.

At this stage, the issues are discipline not to move faster than the organization, selectivity (needing to say “no”), and the willingness to explore beyond what already works.

The identity upgrade required

Moving from Survivor to Stabilizer requires a shift from being the hero who does it all to becoming the builder of a team, structure, and system that can carry the work.

Moving from Stabilizer to Expander requires a shift from seeing yourself as a maintainer of teams and systems to someone who can optimize and innovate beyond them — without breaking what works. It requires being willing to upgrade the organizational operating system as needed.

How the shift actually happens

Two of the most reliable ways to trigger the shift are exposure and practice.

Exposure:

Spend time around people who are at the next level. If you spend all your time around people at your level, their thinking and mindsets confirm and reinforce your own. If you want to grow, you need exposure to new thinking and mindsets.

I encourage building relationships with next-level people. Personally, I’ve pursued this by traveling to professional groups where people are playing at a higher level. I’ve gotten to know them and let them challenge my thinking. I’ve also hired coaches and found mentors who understood this dynamic and helped me grow through it.

Practice:

Eventually, you have to do something different. Maybe you want to move from survival to stabilization. You want to move from the underdog leader who is surviving all the slings and arrows each week brings to an effective CEO who runs their company smoothly and without drama.

This may require you to build the skills of clearly communicating your expectations, delegating authority, and creating structure for accountability.

You may experience imposter syndrome. You may experience anxiety due to having to trust others.

But you still need to begin acting in ways that align with the new identity you want. So, you acknowledge when you didn’t communicate clearly enough. You avoid comments that communicate distrust or stress. You wait until a scheduled check-in to evaluate progress, rather than looking over their shoulder every day.

As you act differently, you achieve different results. Those results are evidence.

That evidence changes our self-image. We no longer need the approval of being the one who holds it all together, and take pride in the fact that we’ve built a team and platform that runs well without us.

That new self-concept makes the next level sustainable. Without it, you are likely to drag yourself back to survival mode because that is what is familiar.

Conclusion

You cannot sustainably lead growth beyond your own development and self-concept. Over time, every organization reaches the limits of its leader.

This is why growth in your business requires growth in your identity.

Take good care,

Christian

P.S. If you’d like a structured process to keep growing as a leader, you need to get a copy of my book, Train to Lead: The Unstoppable Leader’s Plan for Peak Performance. Based on research and built to be maximally practical. Train to Lead will take you to your next level.