First Leadership Self-defense Lesson: Your Biggest Opponent is You

Close up on midsection of the bjj brazilian jiu jitsu athlete sitting on the mats tatami at the training class with hands on his ties wearing white gi kimono

Yesterday, at my Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class, there was a brand-new student. We were partnered up for a drill. The look on his face was familiar to me. Maybe I had a similar look for my first class: Confusion, apprehension, uncertainty. He didn’t know what to do. I knew how it felt. I went easy.

But he left part of the way through class. I don’t know why. Can only speculate. But, for many people, the experience is too overwhelming. This is understandable. He wasn’t being hurt – but he was probably very uncomfortable. If he’s anything like me – most of that discomfort wasn’t physical.

Physical discomfort takes a distant back seat to feeling out of control. To recognize that you don’t know what you are doing. To being demonstrably reduced to “beginner” status. But, that’s how you learn. You keep showing up. The early lessons are ones of mental toughness, humility, controlling fear, managing anger, and so on.

You are really fighting yourself more than your opponent. Those lessons are far more important than understanding sweeps or submissions. Knowledge will come. But you need to be willing to act. Even without knowledge. Knowledge without action only gives a false sense of confidence. Like buying a book on self-defense. You might memorize it cover to cover. But none of that knowledge will help when you need it.

I hope he comes back. But he may never get to know the almost addictive joy that many others have found from facing down discomfort on a regular basis.

Many Leaders Mistake Knowledge for Action

Or worse – mistake the emotional satisfaction of knowing something for experiencing results. I’m susceptible to this. I like to learn. The more I know about something, the more comfortable I feel. As a result, I can always come up with a reason to take another course, read another book, watch another video.

But results come from imperfect actions. Relentlessly executed. The leaders I coach rarely struggle due to a lack of knowledge. They are far more likely to struggle because they aren’t acting. And they aren’t acting because of personal or interpersonal issues.  They need to act. So, they need to face down these issues.

What Prevents Action?

Personal Issues

Fear: Leaders feel afraid. What if they fail? What if they expose weakness? What if others look down on them? It’s huge. This is a big, big deal. Instead of confronting the fears, it’s often easier to avoid them.

Intentionally tackle your fears. Start with small ones. Face them. You’ll learn that there are far more grizzlies chasing us in our heads than there are in the woods.

Further reading:  Fear: A Leader’s Greatest Enemy

Overwhelm: Leaders are maxed out. They know what the loudest noise is. But not the most important noise. Or the noise they should be hearing but can’t. They are running hard. But not as productively as they could.

Practice growth through pruning. Rigorously and narrowly identify your priorities. Protect what meaningfully moves you towards them. Cut out what won’t.

Further reading: 7 Tips to Escape the Crush of Overwhelming Responsibility

Self-Imposed Limits: Leaders build their own glass ceilings. They may want to rise higher or achieve more. But they tell themselves that for reasons X, Y or Z – “I can’t do that.” In nearly all cases, this is self-imposed. You have told yourself “no” far more than anyone else ever will.

Reshape your self-image as someone who lives at the next level. Whatever that is for you. Write out what that looks like. Review this regularly. Spend as much time with people at that level as you can. When you can’t, listen to or read what they say. Marinate yourself in the relationships, images, and messages that are from the next level.

Further reading:  What If You Are The Source Of Your Frustration?

Interpersonal Issues

Clarity: Lack of clarity creates more problems and breeds more conflict than perhaps anything else. All of the training in the world about personality differences or tough conversations will never make up for muddy, ambiguous, conflicted, or absent communication.

Religiously create clarity about values, vision, expectations, roles, responsibilities, procedures, or processes. Hunt out ambiguity, confusion, or lack of information. Addressing this single issue will produce more breakthroughs for you and your organization than you might even be able to imagine.

Further reading: Remarkable Leaders Forge Clarity. 4 Areas They Focus On

Accountability: Accountability is one of the simplest and most effective tools that should be in every leader’s and manager’s toolbelt. But often isn’t. Perhaps surprising to most leaders – employees frequently say they wish their leaders held the team to account for following through, for performance, and behavior.

Accountability requires clarity. It’s hard to track the progress of fuzzy expectations. Accountability works best when it is structured and planned for – not ad hoc. Accountability works great when it is combined with encouragement, acknowledgment, and celebration.

Further reading:  How To Create a Culture of Accountability

Personalization: Challenges become roadblocks when they are personalized. When the attention shifts from a substantive external problem or even a specific behavior to the very personal character and identity of someone else.

As an example: Someone who is regularly late. One response focuses on the substantive. The other focuses on the personal. “Jim, you were 10 minutes late to the meeting today. When you do this, we have to wait to start. It wastes the team’s time as well as creating frustration. Please be on time for the next meeting.” Or “Jim, you are late again. You are always late for everything. I can’t figure out if you are an airhead or just disrespectful. Get your act together.”

Both comments are direct. Both address the same issue. One is more likely to produce a positive result.

Further reading:  One Powerful Leadership Lesson From President Trump

Imperfect Progress Relentlessly Executed

To address any of the six issues above, very little knowledge is needed. The challenge is acting. Putting the effort into facing fears, discovering your priorities, or addressing your self-imposed glass ceilings. Putting the effort into creating clarity, building and maintaining accountability practices, de-escalating conflict by focusing on substantive issues instead of personalizing them.

For many leaders, all of the above is challenging. Not that far different from being a newbie in a BJJ class facing off against a 250lb giant. However, giants fall. But the only way to learn to take them down is to get out there and try.

What action have you been putting off – that you’ll start today?

Take good care,

Christian


Follow me on LinkedIn


Vision Building Sprints

If you or your team are wrestling with defining your vision and would like help, I’m offering the opportunity for a “Vision Sprint”. This is a dynamic calibrating exercise. We will tightly dial in on your vision for the year and the key steps you need to take to get there. I’m offering either individual sessions ($2500) or team sessions ($4000).

Contact me at christian@christianmuntean.com if interested in learning more or setting up a time.


The Successful New CEO – FREE BOOK OFFER
As an executive coach, I’ve found that the experiences for new executives (or experienced executives in new roles) tend to touch on familiar themes. No one’s situation is the same. But there are common principles that, when followed, do guide executives to success. I introduce those core principles in my new book, The Successful New CEO. I’d like to give you a free copy (just pay shipping)!

The book is divided into four parts:

  • Becoming an Executive: Leaders can only lead out of who they are. How do you become the kind of person who successfully and gracefully inhabits this role?
  • Seven Essential Executive Skills: The skills that earned you this new role may not be the ones that you need in the role. What are the key leadership skills that become even more important at the executive level?
  • Leading Your Leadership Team: More than likely, you’ll be leading other leaders. How do you lead a confident, effective leader? How do you build a team out of leaders?
  • First Things: Where do you start? How do you quickly build credibility and engagement? What is too fast or too slow?

The goal of The Successful New CEO is to help you quickly gain the confidence of your team, successfully address the issues you will discover, score early wins, and set a course for a fruitful future.

If you’d like to see how this book will benefit you or someone you know, I’d like to make it available to you for free! Click Here.


Find the value of your company with my free assessment tool: The Value Builder System

The Value Builder System™ is a 13-minute online questionnaire that evaluates your business on the eight factors that contribute more to its attractiveness and value. These factors are scored on a scale of 1-100. Businesses that score over 80 are likely to command 70%-100% higher value than others.

Value Builder Double Your Value Banner 01


THE LEADERSHIP COACH Podcast

In my podcast, THE LEADERSHIP COACH, we explore effective, high impact and enjoyable leadership. We talk about personal development and the attributes that all effective leaders possess. I interview other leadership experts who share their knowledge and tips to help you build the confidence to lead and learn the habits of good decision-making.The Leadership Coach Podcast


Opportunities

Free Resource: How To Accomplish More Without Doing More is a workbook I created to walk leaders through a process of helping you own your calendar, liberate your time, and still get more done. Download it for free!

Executive and Leadership Coaching: Do you feel overwhelmed? Are you not getting the results you expect from the effort you are putting in? Do you find yourself facing similar challenges time and time again? Would you like to change specific ways of relating or reacting? If you would like to experience predictable, measurable growth Contact me.

Profitable Exit Strategy Workshop: Are you a business owner or partner? Are you over 55? Are you starting to think about exiting your business or active management in the next 3-5 years?

  • Are you curious about what your business might be worth?
  • Would you like to discover the specific steps you need to take to increase its value and become highly attractive to a buyer?
  • Are you planning on handing it over to family or employees and you want to ensure long-term success?

If so, contact me now

 

wihtout-doing-mockup

Download my free 10-page eBook:

How To Accomplish More Without Doing More:

Eight Proven Strategies To Change Your Life

Discover how to save eight hours during your workweek-even if you're too busy to even think about it. The resource every maxed out executive needs.