In college, I worked with people who experienced developmental disabilities. Part of my job was called, “community inclusion.” The idea was that many of our clients had a difficult time getting involved in the community and faced social stigma when they did so. So, we helped them overcome this.

One day I was assigned to work with a man I’ll call Keith.  I was intended to help him get out into the community, stay on top of bills, shopping and so on. Keith has a developmental disability. He also has a physical disability as a result of getting run over by a car. He lives with his wife, who also has a developmental disability.

Keith was one of those “cop geeks.” He loved all things cop. Listened to the police radio, wore tactical pants, used cop words. I’ve known a lot of people like that. Most never go anywhere beyond finding ways to vicariously connect law enforcement. As it turned out, Keith seemed to have an actual relationship with every police officer we met. Not only that, he was an active member of the local community patrol. Also, the Civil Air Patrol.

Before I got to know him, I made the mistake of assuming he was humored by many of these groups. Far from it. Whenever we bumped into someone he knew, around town, their faces lit up and they wanted to talk. He was very much a part of each of these groups. I was essentially ignored whenever we bumped into someone he knew. I was clearly not “in.” I wasn’t a relevant part of how they experienced Keith.  If anything, I needed Keith to help me get “included.”

As Keith and I built a friendship, he told me that he was grateful for his disabilities. I was surprised to hear this. He told me that because of his disabilities, he was able to receive so many great resources and services and had opportunities that were more difficult for others.

Most people would view him as someone who is “disadvantaged.” Keith didn’t see it that way. Keith was rich in relationships. He is also active in serving and giving. In fact, when it comes to living life fully, I realized that there are many “normal” people who live far more anemically.

Keith is resilient. As a result, he lives more and he offers more.

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Your Leaders Need to Demonstrate Resilience

Resilience is the ability to bounce back or recover from difficulties. It is toughness. It is grit. I’m often surprised at what stops people. Particularly those in leadership positions. So many just stop when encountering an obstacle, a setback, an unknown situation, a fear.

These people remain victims of their circumstances. This is not leadership.

All leaders, but senior leaders particularly, need to be resilient. They need mental toughness. They need grit. They need to be able to be knocked back, knocked down, and then get back up, better for it. This speaks to the character of the leader, the core stuff that they are made of. Without it, they cannot be counted on to overcome obstacles or challenges. They cannot be counted on to lead when leadership is most needed.

Don’t bring someone into senior leadership who isn’t resilient. Someone who is led by fear, not by vision. Someone who quits when the going gets hard. Someone who stalls or makes excuses instead of facing fears and uncertainties. They might fill a seat just fine at the table. They might have a lot of industry knowledge. They could be very nice and have lots of great relationships.

But when things are difficult, they can’t be relied on.

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The 5 Practices of Resilient Leaders

1. Resilient Leaders Rewrite Their Story: The story I was given about Keith was that he was disabled, alone, and needed my help.

The story that Keith gave himself was that he was engaged, involved, contributing, and connected, and willing to let me tag along. It was nice, for him, that I had a car to drive him around in. But he would have been just fine with the bus.

Resilient people take the same set of facts but focus on opportunities. Instead of getting stuck on frustrations, they see what can be appreciated. Instead of fixating on what they can’t do, they find advantages.

Resilient leaders control their story. Resilient leaders actively shape the narrative for themselves and those they lead. They shape it towards growth, learning, overcoming, and abundance.

2. Resilient Leaders Face Fears: When something goes “bump” in the night, resilient leaders don’t hide under the covers sipping air through a monster snorkel. Unfortunately, many organizations and leadership teams develop fantastic methods of doing just that.

Resilient leaders first experience the normal stuff that everyone goes through: They experience something new and unknown. They feel fear or uncertainty. Then they flip the lights on and investigate the closets and under the bed. They face their fears. Fears usually disappear with a little light.

They ask the next question instead of pulling back. They challenge assumptions. They become concerned when a strategy is developed based on risk aversion as opposed to vision or values.

3. Resilient Leaders Take Care of Themselves: I used to have a roommate. I’ll call him James. Whenever he made a mistake, he would slap himself on the forehead and say, “Stupid! Stupid! Why did I do that?” or, “Typical James!”

I’m sure many of us have had negative self-talk. There is no instance of it being helpful. Ownership of a problem or mistake is good. But wallowing in that ownership is not. Ownership should only be an early step to growth and avoiding similar problems in the future.

Resilient leaders:

Have Self-Awareness: They recognize how they are feeling and responding to issues.

Cultivate Perspective & Proportionality: They see things for what they are and respond accordingly. They don’t make mountains out of molehills. They don’t avoid, hide, excuse or minimize.

Take Care of Themselves: They don’t redline. They don’t burn themselves out. They learn to rest, recharge, and regain focus and perspective. They don’t need to be told to do these things.

4. Resilient Leaders Learn: When difficulties happen, particularly when they repeat themselves, resilient leaders learn from the experience.

They learn how to grow personally. They learn how to build, prepare or repair trust and credibility in relationships. They learn what does and doesn’t work regarding team or organizational structures, practices or policies. They reflect on how organizational culture helps or hinders and make changes accordingly.

5. Resilient Leaders Let Go: They forgive. They don’t hold on to grudges. They don’t pursue revenge. They don’t find someone to blame.

Resilient leaders don’t need the energy that anger, resentment, or bitterness creates for some people. They are fueled by the vision of what they are trying to build. They aren’t living reactively.

Forgiveness isn’t easy. But to not be able to let go means giving over control of some level of your emotions or choices to a past event or someone who wronged you. It gives control of your future to something from the past.

Resilient people are aware of their past. They take care of themselves. They set healthy boundaries if needed. They learn.

They move on.

Take good care,

Christian

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In my podcast, THE LEADERSHIP COACH, we explore effective, high impact and enjoyable leadership. We talk about personal development and the attributes that all effective leaders possess. I interview other leadership experts who share their knowledge and tips to help you build the confidence to lead and learn the habits of good decision-making.

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