This article explores how a leader’s emotional state is transferred to others. For most people, this is a subconscious process. As we move through a challenging time for many organizations, it’s important for leaders to be aware of their emotional states and choose what they are projecting.

In college, I led a weekly study group. One day, I showed up early to our meeting. I was feeling down. The day hadn’t gone well. I was stuck in a funk.

People began to arrive in high spirits and looking forward to getting together. While I greeted the arrivals, I didn’t join in their jokes or banter. I just wanted to get through the meeting.
Then I noticed something. Everyone that arrived, came in a good mood. But as we sat down together, their moods shifted to match mine. It happened within minutes. Soon everyone was sitting sullenly avoiding eye contact with each other.

I wondered if I, as the leader of the group, caused this to happen. It shook me. I became curious. What I have since learned has profoundly impacted me.

Monkeys, Mirrors, and Malleable Brains

I wasn’t alone in what I observed. Just a few years earlier (in the early 1990’s) Italian researchers accidentally discovered that Macaque monkey’s brains would “mirror” the movements of researchers.

For example, certain parts of the Macaque’s brain would light up when it reached out for a banana. Those same parts of the brain would light up when they saw a researcher reach for a banana.

Their brains “mirrored” the researcher’s actions.

Over the last 25 or so years, this research has significantly expanded. We’ve learned that our brains have specific and widely distributed neurons that “mirror” the emotions and physical actions of others.

While there is much that we still don’t know about how mirror neurons work, we can observe their effects: Very literally, one person’s mood and way of moving has a physical impact on someone else’s brain. When someone’s brain is physically changed, how they feel, think, and act is also changed.

Influence Beyond Expectations

I recently taught on leadership to the U.S. Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management.

As I introduced the topic above, I could see that they found it interesting. But they didn’t seem to be persuaded at how powerful this is.

I later broke them into groups of three and led them through a role-play on an unrelated topic. As they worked through the assignment, I walked around the room taking pictures of the groups.

Here is what I saw: Generally, the entire group mimicked the physical posture of whoever was talking. If that person was leaning back in his or her chair with legs crossed, their partners probably were too. If they leaned forward and had their chin on their hand, their partners probably did too. They were subconsciously mimicking or mirroring each other.
They didn’t really believe it – until I showed them the photos.

You Can’t Hide. They Reflect You

While the dynamics aren’t fully understood, we do see that some people have a stronger mirroring influence than others. In other words, some people are more likely to have others mirror them.

Leaders experience this. The people you lead are likely to mirror you.

This is such a powerful effect that I routinely use it as part of my diagnostic work in organizations. I can learn a great deal about executive teams of organizations, whom I’ve never met, by spending time with front line staff. I discover commonalities in attitudes, practices, and social dynamics between people and departments.

When I eventually do meet the executive teams, I will discover that these same attitudes, practices, and dynamics exist and, in fact, originated there.

Here’s the deal: As a leader, you can’t hide who you are. You leak out into your people. They will reflect you to some degree.

Content Matters Less Than Delivery

Further research into the mirroring effect continues to demonstrate not just that it happens – but how it impacts people.

One study explored the impact of how employee reviews were given.

In one group, managers delivered negative news but did so while smiling and maintaining a warm, friendly demeanor.

In another group, managers delivered positive news but did so while frowning and maintaining a stern, cold demeanor.

What was discovered was that the employees responded more strongly to how they were related to during the conversation than the actual content of the conversation. Negative news delivered from the friendly manager was more likely to be interpreted as a positive experience than the other way around.

Laughter And Performance

There appear to be specific neurons specifically tuned into picking up on the smiles and laughter of others.

One study has shown how top-performing leaders were also observed to laugh frequently and were three times more likely to elicit laughter on their teams. This was in contrast to leaders who were more serious, task-focused, or impersonal.

What Does This Mean For Leaders?

As leaders, we need to be self-aware and responsible for our own emotional state. Our people mirror our emotions, attitudes, and actions. They can’t entirely help it. Their brains just kick in.

It also means that leadership is far more than just holding a position or knowing a certain set of skills. It’s about growing who we are as people.

As I often say: Leadership development is personal development.

What Are You Feeling?

Right now, many leaders are feeling high levels of anxiety. This anxiety is then transferred to those whom we lead. If they are already feeling anxious, this just amplifies it.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t have negative emotions or be authentic. It does mean that you do need to be self-aware about your state and be intentional about the emotional state you want or need to be in.

For some people, the idea that you can choose your emotions seems strange. It’s beyond the scope of this article to go into that here – but I’ll just assure you, you can and you do. We can choose happiness, to be at peace, to feel optimistic.

Or we can allow ourselves to just react to the emotions of others.

How Do You Shift?

I’ll offer some options for quickly shifting your emotional state – as well as longer-term options for cultivating the state you want to be in.

Shifting your state

• Gratitude list: Write out ten things you are grateful for.
• Move your body: Take a walk. Do pushups. Walk up or downstairs a few times. Stretch.
• Listen to comedy: Let the mirroring effect work on you. Watch or listen to comedy that you like. (But avoid overly cynical or negative comedy.)
• Practice silence, prayer, or meditation: The purpose here is quietness and awareness.

Possibly the most important dynamic that happens is the act of recognizing where you are at emotionally and then choosing to be someplace else. That, on its own, will separate you from most people.

Cultivating your state

• Develop a vision of your ideal self: Write a description of how you feel and relate. Re-read this daily. The purpose is to start to create a clear picture of yourself that you begin to subconsciously act in alignment with.
• Develop awareness: Keep a journal and track your emotions. You can write whatever you like but it’s helpful to include:

o What was the first emotion I felt upon waking up?
o What is the emotion I’m carrying as I go to bed?

• Learn to see upstream and downstream: Attitudes and behaviors now may have been triggered by something that happened hours or even days earlier. Learn to recognize and shape how cause and effect play out in your own life.
• Surround yourself with people you’d like to be like: Spend time with people who have the attitudes and characteristics that you want. Again, let the mirroring effect work for you. This can include books and podcasts. But be sure to include real people too.
• Get help: Work with a knowledgeable mentor, counselor, or coach. Behavior and attitude change is not easy work. Work with someone who can help you.

Leadership development is personal development

As leaders, we all lead out of who we are. We can’t lead beyond ourselves. Therefore, the first obligation of leadership is personal development.

Become the kind of person you want to see mirrored back to you.

Keep well,

Christian

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